I do normally try and keep my blog a happy positive place but I saw my doctor tonight and realise that the strain of looking after a very sick person has gotten to me somewhat of late and I have been feeling a lot more fragile than normal so bursting into tears whenever someone says something kind is getting more and more common. I won’t go into detail of what is going on but everything has been such a struggle as no one seems to ever want to do things in a straightforward way and I end up more and more confused and, if I am being honest, that makes me feel completely miserable. And today, is one of those days where I’m not feeling all that great as my doctor very gently tried to point out that she wasn’t surprised that I’m feeling this way especially since she knows a lot of the things that are going on. But we both agreed, she and I, that I am not depressed even though people have suggested otherwise. Her diagnosis was that I am incredibly strained and someone to talk to would help but reading between the lines, it sounds like the NHS can’t afford to do that any more. Thankfully, she decided to spare me from the book list that doctors now give out instead of offering counselling. Even Tamyra lying on her back with her legs in the air is not making me feel cheery and she is usually quite good at making me forget what I’m sad about.
I have been praying and praying for a change and a break through in our circumstances and for something good to happen to pao for a very long time. Like Job, I really am at a very low point right now and I think I’m just fed up and confused. I am trying very hard to remain positive and grateful for everything else.
I must apologise. I’m not cheery at all today but let’s hope tomorrow will be a better day. I’m sorry if you dropped in for some cheeriness but I am hoping that Tamyra lying on her back with her legs in the air will make you smile like it normally does me. I need to hear some cheerful stuff from you guys as I know that will definitely cheer me up. So tell me: what has made you smile today?