Discombobulated
I do normally try and keep my blog a happy positive place but I saw my doctor tonight and realise that the strain of looking after a very sick person has gotten to me somewhat of late and I have been feeling a lot more fragile than normal so bursting into tears whenever someone says something kind is getting more and more common. I won’t go into detail of what is going on but everything has been such a struggle as no one seems to ever want to do things in a straightforward way and I end up more and more confused and, if I am being honest, that makes me feel completely miserable. And today, is one of those days where I’m not feeling all that great as my doctor very gently tried to point out that she wasn’t surprised that I’m feeling this way especially since she knows a lot of the things that are going on. But we both agreed, she and I, that I am not depressed even though people have suggested otherwise. Her diagnosis was that I am incredibly strained and someone to talk to would help but reading between the lines, it sounds like the NHS can’t afford to do that any more. Thankfully, she decided to spare me from the book list that doctors now give out instead of offering counselling. Even Tamyra lying on her back with her legs in the air is not making me feel cheery and she is usually quite good at making me forget what I’m sad about.
I have been praying and praying for a change and a break through in our circumstances and for something good to happen to pao for a very long time. Like Job, I really am at a very low point right now and I think I’m just fed up and confused. I am trying very hard to remain positive and grateful for everything else.
I must apologise. I’m not cheery at all today but let’s hope tomorrow will be a better day. I’m sorry if you dropped in for some cheeriness but I am hoping that Tamyra lying on her back with her legs in the air will make you smile like it normally does me. I need to hear some cheerful stuff from you guys as I know that will definitely cheer me up. So tell me: what has made you smile today?
February 28th, 2013 at 8:54 pm
Mrs. Pao- You cannot be happy all the time, you are human and you have your limits.
We all think that everyone else copes so wonderfully, when in fact everyone has problems, sometimes alot worse than our own.
Listen, just because Queen Elizabeth lives in Buck house, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have crap days.
Hope that made you smile.
March 1st, 2013 at 3:03 am
I do understand about feeling low and poorly in spirit. Dealing with institutions can be soul destroying, they don’t really consider the individual at all. I am glad you have a nice GP who listened and cares. I am sending extra wiggly waggly tails to help you feel better soon.
March 1st, 2013 at 12:34 pm
Hug.
March 1st, 2013 at 2:08 pm
I’m sorry you are feeling so bad. I know I am a long way away but if there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.
Now onto the funny story: Last week I was trying to brush my teeth but Louie was sitting in the sink as cats will do. I turned on the water, fairly hard, thinking he would leave in disgust. Well he didn’t. He sat there and played in the water for a LONG time until I finally gave up and turned the water off at which point he gave up and hopped out of the sink. His tail was so full of water he could barely hold it upright. I had to wrap him in a towel to prevent him scattering water near and far.
March 1st, 2013 at 8:15 pm
Sam Let us know if we can help at all….
Watching the neighbor’s dog take him for a walk. My neighbor is Vietnamese isn’t Very big and he has a really big black lab, Who literally pull him along as they walk. It is a funny site and makes me smile. The typing on this is funny because I am dictating to the iPad and letting it type for me. Not my iPad Bob’s iPad We all know he needed one because he so computer literate. Take care Sam and remember if you need anything let us know.
March 2nd, 2013 at 8:51 am
*hugs*
March 2nd, 2013 at 12:13 pm
Big hugs. Caretaking is almost as hard as being sick, and a whole lot less noticeable and you basically get to soldier on and hope for the best.
But the internet is made of kittens video made my day today. Thank you! I’m just in one big blur of nonstop work. Bah.
March 5th, 2013 at 1:13 pm
*hugs*
You don’t need to be strong and happy every day. Just like we take vacations from work, we are allowed vacations from being “the strong one”.