My mum died today – 19 years ago. It was around 6.30pm in the evening and I remember I felt like a psychic connection had been cut so when I got the call around 9pm to say that she had died, I felt that I already knew just when it happened. I still feel a little sad, a little disappointed that she didn’t get that retirement she planned (with me! Living with me!) and every moment I get is precious so I try and make the most of it. I’ve had a very busy day and now in the quiet of the evening, I’m getting a chance to think about us and how much she loved me. I was talking to pao about a parent I know and how anxious they are about their child and he didn’t understand it. I do. I had that anxious mother, hovering around, watching me, crowding me. I think you miss it despite rebelling against it. No matter what though, I can’t doubt that she loved me and I loved her.

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